bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
