Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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