I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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