Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
