I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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