Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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