Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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