the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
