I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
