Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
