Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
