I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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