Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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