Well douche your snatch and let's go!
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
