if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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