Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
