I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
These tits shall not be calmed
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
