This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
