I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
