Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we made out on top of his cat.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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