He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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