Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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