genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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