ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
