mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
