using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
