So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am naked and annoyed.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
