her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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