I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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