he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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