Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
