i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
