my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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