her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
