new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
