Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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