why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
