i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Randomize
