I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
