I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
