CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
