just come out here and I will go home with you...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
