Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
