Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
