he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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