I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
