Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
