put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
