dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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