My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's always time for handjobs
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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